all of my life i have wanted to be farther than i am. i don’t know why, i just feel like i never catch up. by now, i thought i’d have kids, a husband, a house, etc. etc.
i don’t regret anything, that’s not what i am saying, i just constantly surprise myself with where i am and where i am headed. ask me 6 years ago where i would be today and i would have said running my own company. well, i am not quite there, instead, i went to college and piled on the debt. in the meantime, similar businesses creeped close to where i want my company, so i’m waiting a while. also in the meantime, my dream has gotten bigger and thus much more expensive and involved.
instead, what i am doing is learning how to run a company under my dad’s wings. his favorite thing to say these days is “it’s going to be yours one day anyway” … well, he says that when he’s in a good mood, other times he just tells me to go home or stop bothering him. 
six years ago, if you would have asked me if i would still be in an apartment or renting a house, i would have told you heck no! but, here i am, in probably the biggest apartment i have ever been in, but also an apartment that still doesn’t feel like “home.” i haven’t felt like home since i left home after high school.
sure, i have unpacked, hung pictures on the wall, brought out all of my dalmatians and make it LOOK like home, but it just hasn’t FELT like home. after i moved out of home, i probably unpacked EVERYTHING only two more times. after that, i gave up unpacking all that makes a home “me” and left it in a box. instead, i unpacked the essentials, the necessaries. this has of course resulted in LOTS of boxes accumulating over time and a restless feeling everywhere i go.
to put this in perspective though, I have moved TEN TIMES since august, 2003. TEN. oh my stars. lacey has moved with me 9 times, lilly 6 times and maxine 5 times. lexi has moved with us 8 times, but her cage goes with her, so she could pretty much care less.
i’ve stayed as little as 2 months and as long as 21 months.
all this to say that i am READY to settle down. Really, i am beyond ready. i want to find a home. i want to find MY home. i want to unpack my gobs of boxes, get rid of SO MUCH stuff and find all the photos and memories and nick knacks i forgot about years ago.
after i graduated from john brown, i pretty much settled on the notion i wouldn’t be buying a house for a few years. however, timing is everything and with interest rates low and the high cost of apartments (plus storage!) i have been casually searching realtor.com for months.
that is what led me to the manic state i am in now. i found THE perfect house, then i convinced myself there was no way it was that great…so we went and looked at it with my realtor…and it was, it WAS that great and a bag of chocolates! there were foundation concerns, and the foundation guy shared the same name as my dad (jon smith), his daughter’s name was jessica smith (lol). he came out, said the foundation was great and didn’t need repairing. at first i was approved for $109,000 but we realized we would need to meet the asking price…then i found out i was approved for $120,000 – the asking price was $119,900. it all seemed to fall into place until the estate decided to accept a cash offer.
shoot.
but everything happens for a reason and it just means there is a more perfect house out there for me. as i’ve switched from casually looking through realtor.com to actively searching day, night and in between, i have come up with my “must haves” and “would likes” in a home. chris and i went looking earlier this week in the colony and found a few houses we liked. after much reflection and even more analysis i have realized one of the homes fits the bill for all of our must haves plus most of our wants. it didn’t feel like “the” home when were there, but i think i would like living there.
tomorrow we go to search more homes in places other than the colony. there is much out there, less in our price range and even less within the area we want to live. but isn’t that life? we have time. theoretically, i don’t want to move until my lease is up…have you ever tried breaking a lease? the term “arm & a leg” comes in quite fitting there. but, for the right house, at the right price and with the right interest, i’d be happy to shell out some money.
mostly, i am looking for a place to call home. it doesn’t have to be perfect (although, if it WAS perfect and had granite countertops, stainless steel appliances, a big master suite, a perfect backyard and everything else, what’s the harm? right? haha), but i want it to be mine and i want it to be the home i’ve been searching for.
anyhow, i had a nice long conversation with my dad in the middle of writing this “quick” (well, it was supposed to be quick!) blog…now its been almost 2 hours and i still haven’t ran to the store to get dinner. tonight i am cooking up herb’d chicken, snow peas & water chestnuts and french onion soup stuffed mushrooms.
what are you eating?
